Appreciation

I’ve invested my time and my energy into being approachable so others can feel at ease going through their “stuff” and enlisting me. I have given up some free time, some down time and some just for me time so I could make time for being a support when others believed they needed it. Over time I have been repeatedly reminded that the sacrifices made; the emotional baggage I assist with releasing, the steps of progress made which builds to growth; after the right now moment goes on it is left untold, unappreciated and sometimes unused. So I get into my own eyeballs in the reflection of the mirror and ask, so is this ego and pride??? If I acknowledge that in the moment of “now” the gesture of appreciation was shown, why when I hear the recant of their stories do I feel abandoned when their is no acknowledgement? Or why do I ask myself the plethora of questions of how could I have been of more support? Spoke the words differently or in varying ways to get the clarifying point across, when I hear them voice the moment they received a break in the cycle of their habit? What is this reoccurring storyline waiting for me to comprehend and release? Hey I am human. I do work that supports the inner spirit that supports my own spirit and living in the world. I struggle with the awareness of auto pilot being the part that takes over and works before processing the information differently. I get that it could be just an oversight in the moment, right?….. Keeping it honest from my perspective right now it gets a not cool. I have to say it feels like the storyline of being left out of the victory stories after being there for the grudge work, the deep navel & ugly face cries, the periods where it felt necessary to go dark to recoup one’s sense of self, one’s dignity, one’s purpose, one’s willingness to continue and of course those belly laughs that come as we go through the process…. is an omission to the truth of how one made it through. I am in my feelings because this seems to be a reoccurring thing that I see go on.

What do you do when you have given so much and you are left feeling rejected and disrespected? As though your gifts and talents are not honored and given the rightful respect that they deserve? Do you get angry and bitter? Shut down in your heart space? Or do you choose to open your heart further even though you are angry and feel like there is a rage that is simmering right under the surface? Do you practice self discipline so you do not go too far in any one direction? Can you choose next time to give with out being attached to the giving and not expect anything from anyone?

There have been many times when all that I’ve shared has been taken in by another and then I become awakened to the fact that there has been no appreciation for the energetic exchange. This leaves me feeling deflated and wondering why do I keep giving so much to those who seemingly do not care? They are not aware of the bounty the wisdom that is being shared holds. I’ve felt disrespected and the lack of appreciation leaves angry words on my lips. I’ve given my time, my focus, my attention, my energy, my prayers and have made myself available even when it wasn’t convenient and for what? Especially when others seem to reject what is being offered or to then give the credit to another and not to the work that has been done. And yes it was my choice to show up. You know why? Because I signed up for this light sharing piece before I got here. And many times we are not given credit for the light we give in any of the forms we share with another. However, on this side of things I have wondered many times on this Earthly plane if it is all worth it. Then I am reminded very clearly that this is one of the many things I have been charged with in this lifetime and if I choose to withhold all that I’ve experienced on behalf of myself and others that it would ride me to such a degree that it would be a worse feeling than all that I’ve described above. So I get back up once again…