Why we run. Part 1
Because we don’t feel worthy.
We don’t feel able.
It all feels like too much.
I have been running almost my entire life. Running from full participating in life. Running from pain and more heartache. My heartache that stemmed from buying into lies and the false truths that defined my power. False truths that would speak against health and being able. Life felt overwhelming and I lived in the space of “its all too much”. Too much attention and questions were suffocating. I am better off not being with anyone so I do not put my stuff on them.
However me not wanting to put my stuff on anyone did not change the fact that they all carried it with me anyway. Every time I was extended an invitation to go out with any of the them my anxieties my quirks where considered by them. When we are out they accommodate my need to flee when I got to my threshold. As I reflect the running causes me to drag others with me although I say otherwise. These them I refer to are all those who love me unconditionally so they stay steady with hope and rejoicing at my smallest showing of progress. To be honest at times this unconditional love they show me makes me want to run because at times I can’t fathom how they do it. I am grateful that they stay which in my present state affords me the courage to show compassion to me. It supports my willingness to reflect and uncover the why I have been running and why I have found other crafty ways of running despite progress made.
I mean I laugh at how deep this running out running away from things I perceive to be “too much” is. Decades into this pattern of practice and now being more aware of it is where I have committed to start reducing my flight practice.
Happy New Year to me. Happy New Year to you all. Happy New Year to being brave and choosing to be aligned with healing for wholeness for fuller life experiences!!! Happy New Year!
Why we run. Part 1